Black Outs
by gambits-gal
Summary: Heero is hiding things from the other pilots, but they can’t stay hidden forever as his condition is becoming harder to hide by the day. yaoi (QT and HD), Au, OOC erm anything I missed out...
1. Future Plans

Title: Black outs Chapter one: Future Plans Author: Gambits_gal Disclaimer: I unfortunately do not have the immense honour of being the owner of Gundam Wing ac, or any of its characters, which is an immense shame. If I did then I think it would be a lot more..... um... yaoi then it is at current point. ^.^ Author's notes: This is the first Gundam fic that I have posted – also the first fic I have posted on this account. But hopefully not the last I post as I have a massive stock of fics in my head all waiting to be written out. Anywho, on with the story. This is not an AU fic but the characters may go a bit OOC from time to time, may be possible YAOI between Heero and Duo (all my sources say it should happen) in this fic but that won't occur for a few chapters yet I don't think, but there is reference to Quatre and Trowa through out the entire fic. This chapter is told mainly from Heero's POV but in later chapters this will change. All feed back will be read, considered and used to the best of me ability with that sort of thing. My thanks to Mysticheero, who is my beta reader, she's a great help and so if anything is wrong then blame her. ^.^ Summary: Heero is hiding things from the other pilots, but they can't stay hidden forever as his condition is becoming harder to hide by the day  
  
***** Heero's POV *****  
  
It had happened again.  
  
I woke to a view of under my bed, unable to remember what had happened. Why was I on the floor? With a quiet groan, I realised that I must have blacked out. And not for the first time either. This was the third time this month that I had woken either on the floor or on my bed with no idea as to how I had come to be that way. But my memory had become chequered and I could not recall the last few minutes before blacking out. I could only guess at how many times I had zoned out like I had just done, taking each space in my memory as one, but that too was becoming evidently untruthful as the gaps were getting closer together. Another point was that I only think that this was the third time this month. My memory was too unreliable now and I had taken to writing things down, on paper not on my laptop. Yes my laptop held more security value as I could code protect it, but I had already suffered from that when I forgot the password for it. It didn't matter much that I had to write things down as I could write in Japanese and none of the other pilots could read Japanese. I am staring at my diary now, carefully placed in its hidden holder on the underside of my bed. I reached for it with a sigh, time to make another log in it. Taking the attached pen I began to write, glancing at my watch. At least it was the thankfully the same day. February 8th, 19:40.  
  
The light in my room was on and it only grew dark enough for a light by my standards at around 19:25 so I couldn't have been out for more than 15 minutes. Having finished writing the brief entry, I returned the book and pen to their holder and got up off the floor, slowly, trying not too suddenly over balance as my head swam.  
  
As of yet the others knew nothing of my condition and that's the way I wanted it to stay. They would only make things worse. But hiding it was becoming increasingly harder, as the black outs were becoming more frequent and erratic. I suspect that Quatre may already know that something is wrong, and he would have told Trowa. Those two never kept any secrets from each other. The circus performer would 'subtly' try to inquire into it and that in turn would alert WuFei to the matter. With those three paying more attention to me the fourth pilot would soon catch on and that would be my undoing. The braided American wouldn't even bother with being discreet about it he would just openly ask me, expecting me to deny if I was ill. But that in itself is a problem. Duo. I couldn't lie to him, not if he asked me and so I had taken to avoiding him more than the others. Childish, I know but it was all I could do to prevent a confrontation.  
  
Only one more day. One more and I would have the results of my tests. I had been to see a specialist – despite how much I hate doctors and all related – who just happened to be Japanese and it was her who had suggested that I keep a diary. As soon as my results come in I will be gone, the specialist insisting that I wait for them and whatever treatment I required, whether short term or a prescription. I had already rented an apartment, enrolled in a college and gotten a job, all of which were in Japan and I just had to wait a few more days before I could accept all three. Just. One. More. Day.  
  
I levered my self onto my bed. These black outs always left me shaky and weak. Sleep did little for this but just staying still for a while helped. As did eating. As if on cue there was a knock on my door. I tensed while answering.  
  
"Hai?"  
  
"Dinner will be ready in five minutes." Quatre's voice called through, his voice a little strange but it was only the wooden filter of my door distorting it.  
  
"Arigato." I replied before adding, "I'll be down in a minute."  
  
"Okay." Quatre said, his footsteps retreating down the corridor heading for the stairs. I silently sighed lifting a hand to run it through my hair and then paused in lowering it. I was shaking, quite badly as well. Never before had I shook after an episode and I realised that they were getting more serious than I thought. Swallowing I stood and walked to my mirror, thanking God that I didn't look to bad, with the exception of my hair sticking up in odd directions. A quick brush easily sorted that, and I unlocked my bedroom door heading down to dinner.  
  
All the others were already there and I helped set the table without a word. Once we were eating I got the uncomfortable feeling that I was being watched and I glanced up, briefly meeting a pair of aquamarine eyes. Inside, my thoughts became erratic, repeatedly screaming "He knows! He knows!", but outside my expression remained neutral and Quatre looked quickly away, sheepish at being caught.  
  
It was at this point that my head flared into a painful headache. Clearly I had hit my head when I had blacked out and now it was playing the bitch. I kept my discomfort hidden, not needing any added attention, especially with Quatre glancing at me half worriedly, half questioningly. With dinner finished I washed the plates, as it was my turn and WuFei was drying. For this I was glad as we both rarely spoke and never had much to say to one another, but also with this headache it made things simpler that listening or speaking to someone. The chore passed fairly quickly, with no distractions to deal with, and I headed back up to my room – the others had become well used to my wanting solitude. I took a couple of aspirin, to take the edge off the pounding in my head as the things never worked very well for me, and then headed for my bed to flop on top of the covers. After a while, the aspirin taking mild effect, I started to think over my plans and realised that I should probably write them down in fear of forgetting them. This was the irony of my situation. I, the Perfect Soldier trained to have the perfect memory and recall was forgetting things. I could practically hear Duo laughing at that, though once he knew the reason he wouldn't laugh. When my memory had first began to slid I hadn't truly realised why as I hadn't remember blacking out on any occasions and I had forgotten some minor detail that wasn't important at all. Of course Duo had found it highly amusing, asking how I could memorise various lengthy texts and yet forget something so minor – which I still can't remember. It was this that had lead me to realise what had been happening, along with one of Duo's offhand comments about me being a heavy sleeper. Apparently he had come into my room to wake me – being asleep on the bed – only I wouldn't wake. That was a lucky encounter. One for the fact that it made me realise I had a problem and two because Duo just though I was asleep, not unconscious.  
  
It was after this that I had taken to locking my door when I was in my room, and speaking of which, I had best do so. I turned the latch firmly to lock the door and sat back on my bed, pulling out my journal once again. I quickly jotted down some notes about my shaking, for future reference, and about Quatre watching me at dinner as I would have to put my guard up further while around all of the others. Especially Trowa as he had a way of getting through my guard wall unlike the others, even Quatre. Next, on a clean page, I jotted down my plans and all companies, names, addresses, telephone numbers, bank details and all other need information about my future plans. I can think of nothing else that I need to add so I'll put the journal back in its hiding place now.  
  
I had recently bought another laptop, as the first one didn't have the compatibility for various upgrades I wanted to do and the security was almost permanently breached because of Duo's constant curiosity. This new one is completely in Japanese; even the keyboard is in Japanese characters, as is the mainframe, so Duo would be totally lost on it. I had taken careful arrangements to avoid the others finding out my plans. I had set up a new series of bank accounts and transferred all of my money etc. into them and then made sure that it was impossible to trace where my funds had gone. I only hoped that I didn't leave something out, or that I accidentally reveal something to the others as my guard keeps slipping slightly, not enough for the others to take notice in, and at the wrong moments. Luckily so far I have been able to cover the faults up, but Quatre seems to be suspecting something is up, but it may not be about this. Until I either leave or find out what the reason for this extra attention I must continue to act as if nothing is out of the ordinary or then the others will definitely catch on. Its 20:35 now, almost an hour since waking up on the floor and I'm tired. These black outs are taking it out on my body, and the days seem to get longer as what ever is wrong with me is tiring me out. An early night won't cause any problems or make the others suspect so I think I'll just go to sleep now and try to catch up on the sleep that I seem to be missing out on. Maybe tomorrow will be better, but for now sleep. Sleep.  
  
***** Quatre's POV ***** Something is wrong. I don't know what but something just doesn't feeling right. Its one of those thoughts that you know is important, but every time that you try to grasp it, it slips to just outside your reach, and the more you try to get to it the less you seem to be able to understand it. But I can't stop trying to grab it, that's not my nature, and I am making some progress. I have managed to zone this feeling to Heero, but nothing seems to be out of the ordinary, he's his same usual, erm, quiet and distant self. Well that's not true. He's slightly more distant than usual, especially around Duo. Wonder why. My curiosity is getting the better of me, and I know that I have to figure this out, save I go mad – again. (A.N: zero system).  
  
I was watching him today at dinner, in attempt to find out what is wrong, but Heero caught me – how embarrassing, but there was something that flickered across his eyes. It looked like panic but it disappeared too quickly for me to completely recognise. None of the others seem to have noticed anything amiss but I know something isn't right. I'll ask Trowa, he at least will understand what I mean, I hope.  
  
I headed for his room, from where I sat in the living room. Its 21:00 so Duo's watching his usual TV; some weird drama series about crimes, mostly murders, and a team of crime scene investigators who investigate them using forensics, but its all fiction, not real life. (A.N: *snickers* Mysticheero loves this show, it's called CSI, mmm George Eads....). WuFei retired earlier to meditate, Heero's locked himself in his room – as usual – and Trowa went to his room to read. His room is next to mine, right opposite Heero's, while Duo is next door to Heero and WuFei is at the end of the corridor, on the other side of me and furthest away from the stairs.  
  
I knocked on the door softly, more out of habit of being an ex-Gundam Pilot then anything, and heard his reply, so I entered, shutting the door behind me firmly. I crossed the room to sit crossed legged on the bed, in front of Trowa as he set aside his book, no doubt sensing that this was important.  
  
"Quatre, what's wrong?" Trowa asked me, with concern. Obviously my worry was apparent, otherwise he wouldn't have commented so openly on it.  
  
"I don't know whether you have noticed, the others haven't, but Heero's getting more and more distant from us and something just doesn't feel right about it, to me at least." I said, and looked at him hopefully.  
  
"He is more distant than he used to be, and I know that it's not him adjusting to the war's end."  
  
"Then I'm not the only one to think so." I felt better, a bit at least, as I know that I'm not imagining things. "But I can't figure out what might be wrong. I mean it's nothing obvious, that I can tell."  
  
"No, me neither. We'll just have to keep an eye on him, that's all we can do at the moment. When we know more then we can do something. If we confront him about it or act on it then we might just push him further away." Ah Trowa, he is always the source of sensible thinking and good plans. I'm glad I asked him, as its put most of my worries to rest – at least for now.  
  
"Thanks Trowa, I wasn't sure whether it was just me making things up or if it was real." Now I felt sheepish, and I'm sure that I'm blushing. What surprised me, making me actually jump a bit, was Trowa gently stroking my cheek with the back of his fingers, which of course I defiantly blushed at. I always did at Trowa's attention. "Little One, I have never known you to imagine things. You have this sense towards people that allows you to help them and that I admire in you. You always put others before yourself." I was mesmerised by his soft voice and felt a little giddy at his compliment.  
  
"It's getting late; I had better get to bed before the others think something wrong." He smiled at that and I know that it was more than friendly, but I'm not complaining. Regretfully I left the room, for said reason, and quietly headed for my room, getting ready for bed while my mind continued to think over the Heero situation – and now I know that there defiantly was one, at least at some level. Well maybe sleep will help me figure it out. 


	2. Revelations and observations

Title: Black Outs

Chapter two: Revelations and observation.

Author: Gambitsgal

Disclaimer: Uh.... Not mine... well the G-boys and co. anyway, this fic along with story line is all of my creation. Just don't tell the frog that. 0.o?

Author's Note: Thanks to those who have read this. Most appreciated. As before any and all feed back about this is most gratefully accepted. All of my thanks and replies to reviews are at the bottom as I got so many in such a sort space of time.

----- Heero's POV -----

I think I might be fitting, in those times that I black out. The bruises and cuts I've acquired when I do match what I've seen on others after a fitting session. I have told my doctor about this and she wants me to come in for a few days observation, at first I was unsure as it would delay my plans on leaving, but she said that my medication will take a few days to be sorted out. I reluctantly agreed as she said I shouldn't travel anywhere far until I do get my meds and so now I'm packing a small bag for the three day stay at the hospital. I hope the others don't question into where I'm going, because I don't think that I can deal with the stress at the moment. I collected my test results earlier from the hospital – such a joy that was – and they weren't what I was hoping they would be. They were vague, incredibly so. The basics of what they did say was that I'm suffering from memory loss, at which is caused by neurological inconsistencies. In English that translates as I'm blacking out and they have very little clue as to why. These black outs are definitely beginning to seriously affect me, both physically and mentally exhausting me, and sooner or later I'll slip up.

Now that the war is over, I find that I have time to think about things. About myself, the war and the other pilots. That's one thing I never really thought about before; how similar we all are. All of us have something in common with one or more of the others, which I suppose is why we worked so well together in battle. We complimented and supported one another when needed, and not just in battle either I had noticed.

Where WuFei, Trowa, and my self are generally quiet, Duo talks enough for all three of us once you get him started. Quatre holds his own on that one as well, but doesn't talk excessively like the braided baka. We were all devoted to fighting for what was right, in order to bring peace to both the colonies and Earth. Duo, Quatre and WuFei all have some resemblance to a life before and away from the fighting. They all have a past apart from the war, but neither Trowa nor my self have this, as we were soldiers long before the others, I even longer than Trowa. And now that the war is over all the others have some life to go back to. Quatre is continuing on with his family's vast business; WuFei has his own ideas; Duo is trying to lay down plans for a new orphanage using funds that were ciphered off OZ. Trowa is already back doing shows with the circus, though he isn't staying there permanently at the moment he intends to. I am the only one without some life to fall back into now that the fighting is through. I never thought about the future before, never made plans for a time of peace, because I truly didn't expect to live to see it and without the influences of the others I wouldn't be here now. Duo, especially, showed me a different side of things. So I began to make plans, now that I have the time to do so and I still marvel in the fact that I survived the war I was meant to die for. But then I suppose that these black outs I'm having are the counter balance for the fact that I'm still alive.

Someone is coming down the hall, I can hear the light footfalls now and I know that they're deliberately creeping to my door. They've been doing it for the last three hours, and I still can not tell if it is Duo or Quatre but it defiantly is not WuFei – he wouldn't use such tactics on me and Trowa wouldn't try listening in on me through my door either. The person is at the door now, and despite how serious this is I have the thought of just opening the door on them just to see there shocked expression. At least I would know who it was as well, but I feel too tired to bother and all that I want to do is sleep at the moment. I'm tired a lot and hungry but the smell of food makes me sick to the stomach. I'm getting headaches more frequently as well, but aspirin no longer seems to work. In fact my headache is currently getting worse, despite the fact I've already taken the maximum dosage of pain killers without it becoming a health risk.

The storm outside hasn't let up yet, and the power is still out. Not that I mind, I didn't need a light or anything, I only wish that the constant heavy rain would let up, even the slightest, because its making my headache worse. Duo is in the lounge with the others, the storm keeping them up. I guess that's one draw back from having such highly-sensitive hearing. The smallest thing can keep you awake. Duo has often commented about how abnormal I was, because despite my war trained abilities, I can sleep through almost anything – that's not threatening. He has often put that to use and discovered ways of waking me up, such as the sound of a gun being cocked. Of course I retaliate by waking him up at the strangest hours in the night by deliberately setting his alarm clock, and now it's permanently rigged to go off at three am, every morning. He can't figure out how to undo it and he won't simply ask me to fix it, because he doesn't want me to have one over him. If he asked I would fix it – I'm not that mean, just having a small laugh. The others too think its quite amusing.

I've taken to wearing long, baggy jumpers, with the sleeves reaching past my finger tips. I don't know why, I just feel more comfortable wearing something like that. And right now, feeling comfortable is important to me. I guess that these black outs are leaving me nervous and disorientated in my thoughts, especially with Quatre getting suspicious. I know that he and the others are worried about me, not that I blame them – I'm not eating much, I'm locking myself in my room, rarely talking to them (more so than usual) and disappearing out of the house for hours at a time. Not exactly the social bunny, I know. But I don't like the attention they're beginning to give me because it's making me paranoid and at the moment I don't need this. The footsteps are retreating now, whether the person they belong to has given up or not I don't know. I hope so.

----- Quatre's POV -----

The storm has been going for nearly five hour now, and it knocked the power out about an three and a half hours ago so there isn't much we can do. There are a few candles dotted around the room for light, which surprisingly enough Heero had gone out to get. He's the only one of us who doesn't actually mind the storm. I think he finds it quite amusing that four of the most highly trained and feared people during the war are disturbed by a simple thunder storm. Duo was a bit annoyed at this, but everyone knew he would find some way to get back at Heero some how. He was currently fiddling with his electronic alarm clock by a small work lamp, trying to reverse what Heero had done to it following a particularly early wake up call, but was as of yet unsuccessful. I don't think Duo minds too much, as it gave him something to do while the powers out. Trowa and WuFei were playing a game of chess over by the TV on the floor, I'm not sure who's winning exactly – they're quite evenly matched. I'm reading in the candle light, an old classic, but I can't really concentrate on the words. Every time I've managed to settle down, there a clap of thunder and lightening and it completely disturbs me. Heero's lucky, he isn't kept awake by this. Speaking of whom, I've not long checked on him – well technically I was listening in through his door, but I was just checking he's alright. After my talk with Trowa last night I now know that there is _something_ wrong, I just don't know _what_ is wrong.

Trowa's heading out to the circus tomorrow, and will be gone for two days, and WuFei said something about a Preventer assignment that will take just as long. So it'll just be me, Duo and Heero in the house for the next couple of days. I wonder if I can get anything out of Heero while there are less people around – I could send Duo out to get something from the shops and I can talk to him then. I'm sure that if he just talked to me then I would be able to help with what ever the problem is.

"Check." Trowa said softly, having moved his left rook. WuFei looked a little annoyed at that and is contemplating his next move carefully. The pair really are well matched as they had had each other in check numerous times in this game alone. I smile at the thought, before I hear a door open upstairs and it can only be Heero, as the rest of us are down here.

----- Duo's POV -----

I don't know what the hell Heero has done to this damned clock but it sure didn't look like I would fix it any time soon. At least it gives me something to do while the storm persists, but damn Heero. Nothing looks out of place, but something had to be wrong somewhere, it' just a question of what is wrong and where. He thinks it' so funny that I get woken up at three tam every morning – regardless of whether I turn the alarm on or not. It's such an inhumane time to wake up at. Add that to the fact that I can't sleep through a thunder storm, like Heero can, and the joke is very much on me, never mind that Trowa, Quatre and WuFei are also kept up by the storm. But then again, if mine and Heero's roles were reversed, I'd most likely be giving him grief over it. And there's another thing, he doesn't actually tease me or the others about it. Hell he's even nice about the whole damn thing. Though he did mumble something earlier, about worrying over a little light rain when he went out to the store earlier, in the pouring weather. 'Light' didn't describe the absolute down pour in even the slightest.

I was surprised when I heard Heero's bedroom door open, and I glanced at my watch to see that it was almost three in the morning. Looking up from my partly disassembled alarm clock, I see him shuffling down the stairs while yawning in mid-stretch. He's only wearing a pair of black cotton boxers and a long baggy top, the sleeves of which end about two inches past his finger tips. He's going into the kitchen and I go back to my work, listening to him rummaging around the open plan kitchen. The tap's running so I can assume that he's getting a drink and I try to once again figure out what's wrong with my clock, as he walks back into the sitting room.

"Ah-ha! There I fixed it. Not so tough now are you Hee-chan?" I sit back triumphant with a grin the size of the Mississippi and watch him glance to his wrist watch then smirk. What the....? Why is he smiling? He's not supposed to be smiling, I'm the victor here not him. I look at the alarm clock as if it held the answer and saw it ticking away the seconds until three am. The damn thing went off! I gave a moan of exasperation and put my head on the table in defeat. "Fine, you win. What the Hell did you do to this retched thing?" I blindly wave the mechanical device in the air above me, waiting for him to take it and I hear him place his glass of water on the table near to me. When he took the clock out of my hand I looked up, intent on finding out what he had done to it. Heero shook back his sleeve to allow his fingers access into the back of the clock and he did..... something before setting it back down on the table top. He smirked as he picked up his glass again and spoke, sounding highly amused.

"All fixed." I glared at him for that, one of the best Shinigami glares possible at the time, but he just yawned and he3aded back upstairs to his room, shutting the door gently behind him.

"How did he do that?" I couldn't see anything different about the clock than five minutes ago and what's worse, I know the others are smirking behind me – Quatre is actually giggling quietly. I decided that I was too tired to care though, and so I'm fixing the clock's cover back on lazily.

The storm is finally passing by the sounds of it, and I can go to sleep at last! I almost pity WuFei, as there isn't much point in him going to bed now as he'll be up again in an hour and a half to begin his morning meditations. Then he's off to work at six am, and Trowa is going in with him, to the airport to catch his flight, but he can sleep on shuttle. I can't hide a yawn as I pack my tools and bits away and I realise that I'm struggling to stay awake. "I'm beat. Night, guys. Well morning technically but I don't care." I'm half way up the stairs when I hear the assorted responses from the others and my mind is narrowing to focus on just getting into bed. I bang loudly on Heero's door once as I go past, knowing it will wake him up if he's asleep, and call through the door; "Goodnight Heero."

"Baka!" Was the sleepy reply I got, and I'm grinning as I must have woken him.

"Love you too Hee-chan." I reply chirpily, despite being half asleep already.

-------

Well here are the replies as promised, to the reviewers. Thank you one and all. You made Mysticheero jealous. Hee hee. (Mysticheero: "I'll get you my pretty, pretty, pretty. Beware my deadly.... erm... parrot?"). Eep! '0.0'

To Jander: Nice to know you like the fic. I got this up as fast as I could my dear. Hope that you enjoy this chapter as well.

Mistress Of Anime: Heero-kun, ahh, gotta love the guy. . I'm glad I choose this fic over the others I was going to write up first.

Mara202: Thanks for reviewing, a writer always loves to be adored – or at least noticed.

VioletteMai: You'll be pleased with this then as its death threatening but at the same time not, for some reason those fics are always good to read. It's like the whole you always have to hurt your favourite character, despite he's your favourite. 0.o? No I don't understand how that works either. Thanks for reviewing – I love yer fics so much so ye reading mine is so cool. .

Galacticoutlaw: I only realised that when I read your review. I can do that to people, like Mysticheero can confuse and amuse people – honestly she's just like Captain Jack Sparrow, she does the voice, the walk, that drunken wobble – despite the fact she doesn't drink anything other than coke-a-cola – the hand gestures, facial expressions, talks in a non-stop blur with random nonsense. She likes dark rum! But anyway I'm getting off track....

Bunch-o-Nuts: Thank you, just put me on author alert and it will immediately tell you through email if I update. . The wonders of modern technology.

Rekkaboziegirl: Cliff hanger I know, but so's this in a fashion – kinda. Sorry about that but if I don't reign them in like this then well I'll never put up chapters because I'm a slow writer when it comes to putting this down on paper or computer file from out of my head, unless I'm on a streak and my muse hasn't buggered off. What's wrong with Heero? Keep reading and find out. Torture isn't it? Mysticheero introduced me to it and well it's become an addictive sport.

Regina: I didn't mean to put across the opinion that Heero was schizophrenic.... But hey it adds to the drama, and as to the paranoia well that.... um.... just keep reading. Again didn't mean for the paranoia. Like I said to Rekkaboziegirl you have to keep reading to find out what's wrong with Heero. . Gosh I love torturing people this way. Ahhhh. So refreshing. But blushes thanks for the compliments. Most excepted!! (MH: "Oh dear, its going to her head evil grin this could work to my advantage" 0. )

Amber: Thanks for the mail, sorry if it took a while to change the settings but Fanfic was down when I got ye mail so I had to wait until later. About the Japanese keyboard, um well I'm not sure they do these either but heh, I thought that it went in well with the plot. Funnily enough Mysticheero commented on that but I chose to ignore her.


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